So it's become increasingly obvious to me that I'm not happy with my day job. Even more to the point, that I'm not very happy when I'm not being creative. I've grown up in a way that I as always encouraged to pursue a...more practical source of income. "There is too much competition". "Do you know how many people actually make a living doing that"?!
It's been the voice that has been echoing in my ears and my mind since I've been old enough for my parents to plan a future for me. I know that it was coming from a place of love and caring; but I've let it affect me to the point that I've internalized the voices of doubt of constantly second guessing any creative avenues I've wished to pursue. As a result, I find myself overqualified and under-educated for my current career path, and extremely green in the career path I now wish to pursue. I've quite readily put myself in a position of essentially graduating high school at the age of 30.
Depressing as that may be, I can't really look back anymore. Looking back is preventing me from moving forward. Fear of failure is keeping me from trying. As Yoda says, "Do or do not, there is no try". As stupid as it may sound, to quote a fictional character, he person who wrote it was real. And it doesn't change how right the sentiment is. I wanted to act or do comedy or make comics. I can't try to do those things. I can only do them. Whether or not other people respond to it is another thing. So I will do these things. I'm going to do these things even if it kills me. Because I don't know want to do anything else. Everything will be in service to these things in some way or another.
They say that it takes 10 years of doing the same thing for you to master it. So I started now. So in 10 years if I'm still doing this, and I can no longer see any reason why I wouldn't be, I can only hope that someone has taken notice. Things drop off, I get that. People grow up, move on. For one reason or another I can't move past this, so I'm going to stick with this until I no longer want to do it, but the fact of the matter is I really want to do these things.
I just needed to get that out. It's been 3-4 years since I've written, so I can't imagine anyone's still reading this thing. So for now, this will serve as a journal. A way to keep me writing if I'm stuck for ideas or when I need to get something out.
If you are reading this, I'm sorry if it comes off angsty or emo. I'm honestly not going for that. I'm not really going for anything. This is for me. Not you. But if you are reading this. I hope you root for me. I hope that you send positive vibes my way. I hope you are doing what you want to do, or are working towards that. And hopefully in 10 years, we'll be able to tell each other we've made it.
~mike
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