Cabin Fever = Blog for You

obviously not me

So like much of the Northern Virginia area, I have been sequestered in my own home by the sheer force of Mother Nature. Given that I would have normally been working this Saturday, I took the opportunity to start watching the Soprano's. As bad ass as the Soprano's is, You can only do it for so long. So, I have decided to take this time out to blog about last weekend's experience which was snowboarding for the first time.

My friend's family was kind enough to let some of us stay with them at their house at Wisp, the ski resort in Maryland. So my friends Eugene, Val, John, and I headed out from their house at 11:00 PM and set out for the wonderful town of Accident, Maryland. I shit you not, the town is actually called Accident. Of course, I didn't know this until we pull into the sleepy burg around 2:00 AM and I read the welcome sign. "My God", I thought, "if this isn't an omen of things to come, I don't know what is". But as long as we're attributing meanings to signs, I was relieved to see that the "name" for our lodgings was "Life is Good". We unpacked everything and I crashed almost immediately on what must be the most comfortable couch on which I have ever sat/slept.


We finally started milling about just before noon. We got to the slopes just after 1:00 PM. Eugene dropped Val and I off at the rentals. Now it had been close to a decade since I'd rented things last, and Val hadn't done it in quite some time. So after some debate as to where we needed to go, we simply filled out the forms we saw some old lady using. Val suggested we take them to a desk posting "Performance Rentals" I told her that those were likely rentals that I would not need nor could afford. So I pointed to some double doors reading "Rentals". Val thought it looked like an employee only entrance, but I pointed out that there were customers in this section as well. I turned in my form to a clerk, and was given my boots and was told to go through a set of doors to receive my board. I was asked if I had ever snowboarded before. I responded, "no" and received my customary judgmental look that seemed to say, "Ugh, why are you even trying, geezer?". I strapped in, and pushed my way to the lifts with Val and Eugene.

I should preface the rest of this experience by stating that not only have I skied previously, but I used to ski pretty well. I was told that getting off the lift was relatively tricky, and that I should just try to ride the board straight until it stopped. This does not account for the fact that I didn't know how to ride. And here I was slipping off to my right and then falling. I don't know what was going on with my hat, but it would not stay on if I fell, only making even the smallest of the falls more epically funny (or at least to my instructors, Eugene and Val).

On Snowboarding, First Impressions:

• I resent anything, besides video games, that suggests that a beginner start out on intermediate just to learn.
• I hate that as soon as you start to stand you immediately start sliding. I feel like i have to be some kind of martial artist able to do kick ups before I can just stand on snowboard.
• If I had wanted to spend the day cold, on my back, with bruises all over my hips and my ass, I'd have joined a Norwegian brothel under the alias Olaf.

That being said, I had decent time. I never quite got the hang of standing up on my own; but I gained a good deal of heel-side control. Thanks to my instructors Eugene, Matticus, and Val. It took close to two hours just to make it down the first run, what with the falling, problems getting up, and the long waits to catch my breath from the wasted efforts in getting up on my own. After the first run, we returned to the lodge to see if John was ready to join us. John in a very disappointing manner decided to stay in stating that half the day had already gone by, and he was considering going out on Sunday instead.

We had lunch at Perkins, which if you haven't been there, is like IHOP on steroids. Everything was made better and tasted better than any IHOP meal I've ever had. We made the customary Tiger Woods jokes, and enjoyed a sampler. I had a country-fried steak meal that may have rivaled the meals I would get at the truck stop in Fredericksburg. The others bought a box of cookies to go after the meal.

Despite protests on being too full to do anything more, they dragged me back onto the slopes. I made another run in probably 1/3 the time of the first run with far less errors, and far less time spent on my back. I should have called it then because I could feel the wear and tear in my quads and shoulders (from the repeated failures in getting up). We tried another run, and there was a point where I was afraid was going to throw up in my wind guard. Luckily no such regurgitating took place. And for the first time since I started skiing, I had to unstrap and walk a short distance down the last part of the hill. That's when I realized I had an opportunity to ride my board like a sled. If you've never tried it, you're missing out, kids.

I went to return my boots and board keeping in hand a form they told me I needed when I returned my gear. I turned in my boots and board. The young lady behind the desk took my paper and said that I was free to go. As I hadn't paid, yet I questioned her, "Wait, that's it?"
"Yeah, you're good to go."
"That's it. You're sure?"
"Yep. Good to go."
"Okay, thanks."
Apparently I was supposed to pay before I filled out said forms at the lift ticket offices, which I did not know. In the future, I'll keep this in mind.

We spent the rest of the night drinking beers in the hot tub, and I spent the nearly all of Saturday asleep. The days spent recuperating were necessary though, so that I could move on Monday at work.

I had a great time, although at times I wanted to switch to skis just to show my friends that I could tear up a mountain if I wanted. I figure I'll give this thing a few more tries before I really hang it up.

Stay warm, and I'll see you after the big thaw.